Leaving Footprints

A recent post in Kim Klassen’s blog got me thinking…about life, survival, the familiar.  Tomorrow is my husband’s 65th birthday, a milestone day to be sure.  But I’ve been calculating his days & years by an event that happened 8 months ago that took away the man I married and left in his place someone who I don’t know and can’t anticipate.  His stroke, sudden, unexpected and life changing left me numb.  To survive it I HAD to go on autopilot (the theme of that blog post I mentioned) just to make it through the days, then the weeks, then the months it has taken us to to get to this place.  Today we’ll celebrate with family this milestone birthday with a special luncheon.  We were prepared for it, had planned on it and then this morning when we awoke it was to a world filled with white.  That means that some of the folks who were invited can’t come because of age and health…I was thinking of all this when I let my little Chihuahua out the back door for his thrice daily walk.

He ran down through the snow like a champ…did what was necessary and because his footsteps were clearly marked in the snow I thought I’d hold the door open wider so I could get a set of his returning paw prints.  Even though the door was open completely he ran back through his previous steps, not deviating from his original path and that got me thinking.  So I grabbed my iPhone and took some snaps of those paw prints…they had sparked a thought, a response to Kim’s Saturday post about autopilot.  Just as my Chi runs on autopilot never deviating from his original path, I realized that it wasn’t until I picked up my camera that I was able to snap out of autopilot myself.

Not thinking about anything other than what is necessary in the moment saves us from unnecessary worry and keeps us sane enough to survive the event.  But only running back and forth in our own footsteps keeps us from seeing the world around us.  Yes, it is necessary for surviving the traumatic but if it becomes an every day way of dealing with life, we miss so much of what that life has to offer.

Kim doesn’t know, can’t know, the lives she has changed because of her journey.  She touched my life deeply and snapped me out of that doom and gloom and everyday is the same, sleep and repeat.  I don’t know the exact moment when I decided to commit myself fully to photography again but I know that it is Kim who makes it important in my life and gives me hope that I can survive anything as long as I allow myself to stop a moment and just be!

This is the snap of my sweet Chi’s footprints with a verse that is appropriate to my life and times and I’m linking up to Kim’s Texture Tuesdays photo gallery.


About PrimAndTattered

The Past ~ a little girl lived by the sea and dreamt of designing beautiful dresses for beautiful ladies. The Present ~ a seasoned seamstress who lives by the sea and designs folk art e-patterns to help others express their creative side and realize their dreams.
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12 Responses to Leaving Footprints

  1. oh my….your image is ART… and your words made me cry…. happy tears…. for you and me… i am honoured to be a part of your journey…. thank you….
    sending love … xo, Kim

  2. Sherry says:

    God bless you both!

    • Thank you Sherry! While living in our current times can be disheartening, there are miracles that happen every day via cyberspace! Finding Kim’s blog again is one of those miracles. Have a wonderful holiday season!

  3. Carola Bartz says:

    Those pawprints are so adorable.
    Your post is very thoughtful and full of truth. I agree that autopilot is so important for us to go through difficult times, and I experienced it as well. However, as you said, it is so important to get out of it again, but it takes time and it is different for everyone. I am glad that you found your way and that Kim helped you funding it. She really is an inspiration.

    • Carola…I think that allowing myself to concentrate on my photography full time is what finally tripped the switch on my autopilot. When you have to stand still and compose the shot…it can never be without being present ‘in the moment’. My heart is full to overflowing with the beauty of the images I see whenever I click through one of the Tuesday Textures or Friday Finds. So glad that we have all found Kim and are sharing her journey!

  4. Peabea says:

    It is nice to find others through my blog with similar problems and words of inspiration that help so much. Your post was so nice to read. My husband who turned 69 this year (although not as devastating as a stroke, is now ill). He sold his semi business in April, quit smoking so we could afford to try to live comfortably, and has been ill ever since. Although he doesn’t have lung cancer, his lungs are pretty much shot according to the doctor. Not only the smoking, but atmospheric conditions he’s experienced through jobs and working on farms as a teenager. He knows it’s his fault because he was a smoker, but still horrible to deal with the everyday down hill slide and just waiting for the other shoe to drop. Anyway, what I’m leading up to is that at first, I was scared day by day, cried a lot, and broke my heart to watch the man I’ve been married to for 50 years start to deteriorate. The photography, as you say, and working on graphics has been a God send as I could be on here and entertain my mind with things other than worry. Love the paw print photo and your words. Wonderful.

    I will add prayers for your husband. I’m familiar with the effects of stroke. My FIL was in the hospital for 3 mos with his when he was in his late 50’s. Happy Birthday to him. 🙂

    You visited me and I saw your suggestion on the candle on the NOEL. It does have spike which I probably will try to remove as then I could put a small candle jar and be more safe than just a candle on the spike. Happy Friday… 🙂

    • When our mate is ‘wounded’ we have to become the lioness…sometimes it happens when we kick into autopilot and sometimes it’s merely that we have to begin to take his place in the scheme of the marriage. I’m sorry to hear of your husband’s illness…there is nothing worse than planning for retirement only to find that our ‘check’ comes due because of the folly of youth. I’m ‘new’ to prayer (been away from it for so long I feel rusty 🙂 ) but will add your sweet mate to prayers for my own. Merry Christmas!!!

  5. WOW you have me crying here ….
    What a powerful heartfelt post.

  6. You, Kim and your spouses have all had your share of pain and sorrow in 2013. Hopefully, 2014 will be a much better and healthier year for us all. Merry Christmas!

  7. lisa says:

    What a thoughtful, poignant post. I very much enjoyed reading your thoughts today. I wish you and yours blessed holidays.

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